Americans love being proclaimed winners and that extends to elections. For many, this means avoiding thinking about policies, choosing the side that most angers their parents, and checking in on Election Day to see the score. They are like the fan that doesn’t tune in until the Super Bowl but still somehow finds the passion to scream at the TV. Perhaps, it’s apropos that they’re also the ones who accost me in the beer line and ask me which team I’m “voting” for. It’s “rooting,” dammit. But, despite their lack of careful reflection on the issues, they still view their politics with the same blind zeal usually associated with bare-chested, face painted men whose telescoping nipples remind you that it’s below freezing in Green Bay.
I see thoughtful discourse replaced with foam “We’re #1” fingers across the political spectrum. You see, I spend my time between New Braunfels, Texas (a quaint town that still refers to its mayoral administrations as “Reichs”) and “The People’s Republic of Austin.” So, I’m always the liberal or the conservative in the room depending upon my latitude. And, sadly, I’m not immune to viewing the race as some sort of sport myself.
Recently, I was playing with an electoral map online. I was able to see polls and hypothetically give states to candidates. While I predicted each state’s winner, I saw the candidates’ totals percolating up to the required 270 Electoral votes. Then, I realized my first attempt had produced a 269-269 tie… Oops.
I quickly tried to recall the tie-breakers from high school government class. I had to go back that far because my college assumed I already knew this stuff. Lamentably, I did not. Well, if we as a nation are going to view our politics as a sport, the least I could do is know the overtime rules. So, I looked them up.
As many of you know, it would be decided by the House of Representatives. I’ve already seen a Presidential election decided by the Supreme Court. So, it’d be nice to give another branch a try. Now, for extra credit, it would be decided by the newly elected House of Representatives but by a state-by-state vote. Each state’s delegation would vote with a needed 26 states for the win. If a delegation ties, that state’s vote doesn’t count. If no one has the 26 state majority, the Vice President that the Senate chooses will serve as President until the House comes up with a winner.
Now, it gets interesting. Democrats only have 53 votes in the Senate if you ostensibly include the independents that caucus with them. However, many expect them to lose seats. If there is a 50-50 tie, guess what. It goes back to the House! With no President or Vice President, the Speaker of the House would be elevated to the post. So, President Boehner?
As college football analyst Lee Corso might say, “Not so fast, my friend!” If John Boehner accepts the job, the House immediately elects a new Speaker. When the deadlock is broken, he’d go back to Congress as just another congressman from Ohio before he even had a chance to change the White House drapes.
So, if he refuses, it goes back to the Senate. Is it the Senate Majority Leader? Nope. The Majority Whip? Double Nope. It’s the Senate’s President Pro-Tempore, which is Latin for “What the hell?!” The Pro-Temp is a meaningless position- the miss congeniality of Congress. It’s usually given to the senior ranking senator of the majority party (because that chair is closer to the bathroom). This person would be elevated to the most powerful position in the world, while he sits on the White House porch yelling, “Hey, you kids! Get off my mall!”
But why not? Sports are about the underdog. Just remember that you heard it here first, when our next President is 88 year-old Senator Daniel Inouye. Maybe, Donald Trump will believe he’s from Hawaii? Regardless, we demand a winner and need some way of breaking a tie… I mean, besides counting the actual popular votes of course. That’s just crazy talk.
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