Childhood Obesity Falls 40% in Decade, Adjusted for Inflation

*This is one of my satirical news articles for the website Newslo.com which was never published due to content, space, timing, or political intrigue. So, enjoy! And remember: THE BOLD PRINT = TRUE FACTS...


ATLANTA—According To the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, obesity among children 2 to 5 declined by 40% in the last decade when adjusted for inflation. The data was published in the Journal of the American Medical Association this past week and shows a steep decline in childhood obesity rates from 13.9% to 8.4% after factoring in the steadily increasing CWI (Consumer Weight Index).

While many are viewing this as a significant step in the fight against childhood obesity, some are concerned with how the numbers were calculated. Dr. Hans Fleischer of the CDC defended the findings.

“We used standardized data collection and adjusted the numbers with societal trends,” said Dr. Fleischer. “We do the same thing with height. For instance, you wouldn’t call a 5’9” man tall in 2014. However, he would have been giant just a short two or three hundred years ago.”

Dr. David Ludwig of Harvard School of Public Health in Boston was cautiously optimistic stating, “Nevertheless, if real, the lower prevalence among young children would be an encouraging sign that national pediatric obesity prevention efforts – though still grossly inadequate – may be having some impact.”

While childhood numbers may be going down, 2/3 of Americans are still considered overweight. The CDC warns this is a double-edged sword when considering the dangers of both heart disease and having to consume more alcohol to find someone sexually attractive.

Still, epidemiologist Cynthia Ogden told Reuters Health, "The rapid increase in obesity we saw in the '80s and '90s has definitely slowed. There's some glimmer of hope in the new data in relation to the 2 to 5 year olds."

Dr. Fleischer of the CDC continued, “The raw data may be troubling, but it really starts to shape up after the inflationary adjustments. We also use a method borrowed from the Department of Labor. They don’t count someone who ‘gives up looking for work’ as unemployed. So, we don’t count a child who is no longer ‘looking to lose weight’ as obese.” Adding, “Peter Pancakes can go back to eating seconds at the dessert bar and my data looks better. So—win/win.”